Are you a Critic?
Written by Vanessa P.

 

Do you know someone who constantly notices your faults, but never seems to care when you finally get something right? Or perhaps you made a mistake at some point-- perhaps it was even a sinful mistake-- and there's someone who always seems to remember your mistake. It's like they haven't realized that you've grown since your mistake, or that perhaps your mistake was a one-time thing. Worse, perhaps you've been this way. Sometimes it's so easy for us as girls to become "nitpicky" with people around us. We notice their every fault-- especially if the person is a family member! -- but we rarely compliment them for doing something right. We're so quick to put others down in our minds.

Our critical spirit stems from a prideful heart. I may think, "I wouldn't be as grumpy as my sister if someone borrowed a book," or "I never leave my room messy like my brother does-- he doesn't even make his bed! I haven't missed making my bed since I was 6 years old." Of course, we wouldn't voice those thoughts to anyone else. But we're just like the Pharisee who prayed, "God, I thank Thee that I am not as other men are." What terrible pride to think the way we do. We should be like the publican who prayed, "Lord, be merciful to me, a sinner." It's when we realize that we are just as sinful as those around us that we stop being critical of them. We can forgive-- and sometimes overlook, even-- their faults, knowing that ours are so much greater. We are the servant who owed ten thousand talents (the equivalent of millions or even billions of dollars), and others around us are the servant who owes us a hundred pence (perhaps fifty dollars). God has forgiven us our unpayable debt, and we're unwilling to have a forgiving spirit toward others around us.

Christlike love suspects the worst of itself and excuses as much as it can in others. We're so ready to excuse our own faults: "I was tired" or "I'm just having a bad day" or "I didn't understand." But we're never willing to think those things of others; rather, we assume the worst. We assume that our friend deliberately didn't call, when perhaps she forgot. We assume that our siblings are deliberately unkind, when we could realize that they didn't know how to be as helpful as you wanted them to be. We should assume the worst of ourselves and the best of others, but we usually do the opposite.

As we learn to remember our own sinfulness before God and to think the best of others, we will learn to be ladies of encouragement. Proverbs 31 says that the godly woman "opens her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness." I Corinthians 13 tells us that love "[thinks] no evil [and] believes all things."

And all this carries over into our relationships (present or future) with young men. You may start a courtship with a wonderful young man. At first, if you're like me, you'll think he's just about perfect and you can't find anything wrong with him. Then one day you'll realize that he's actually not perfect-- he's a sinner too! Perhaps he drives a bit too fast, or he doesn't keep his room as neat as he ought, or he doesn't study as much as he should. It will be so tempting to compare yourself to him and think that you're better. And (if you're like me), once you see one fault, you'll be tempted to be critical, find lots of other faults, and assume the worst of nearly everything he does. But your attitude during courtship or dating will carry over into marriage someday. None of us wants to be the contentious, nagging wife that wears out her husband. Each of us must prepare now to be the kind of wife that focuses on the good points in her husband and encourages him.

Our expectations of others, especially those closest to us, can be very important. If you have negative expectations of someone (he or she is always lazy; he or she doesn't care about me), he or she may get discouraged and quit trying to please you. They wind up fulfilling the very thing we expected of them. But if we choose to have a high opinion of someone, expecting him or her to do well, and if we convey that opinion in our words and actions, the person often do well. I think this is especially important in our relationships with the men in our lives, particularly fathers, brothers, and eventually husbands. The Bible tells wives to respect their husbands-- that is, to esteem, or to give high regard. It can be such a blessing to a man when you respect him and encourage him. Show him that you expect him to do well. If he doesn't do perfectly, encourage him then too. Notice his good character, be thankful for it, and tell him that you respect him for it. Your respect will be a great encouragement for him to keep doing right even when things are hard.

There is so much more to be said about being an encouragement. Just remember that God told us in Ephesians 4:29: "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying [building up], that it may minister grace unto the hearers." We need to build others up in their walk with the Lord. Let us seek to be ladies who kindly and graciously build up others, and who are not critical, but willing and lovingly encourage all those with whom we come in contact. 
 

 

 

 

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