Problems with Christian Romance Novels
Written By Vanessa P.

Now, I must admit that I used to love Christian romance novels and have read many of them. And I will also say that I don’t think it’s always wrong to read stories with romance in them, but that very often, it’s not best to read them. A few years ago, the Lord showed me how damaging this kind of book can be. Here are several problems that I’ve found with Christian romance novels.

First, they are all about romance, so they encourage us to think about romance, marriage, etc. Now, marriage is a wonderful thing, and it’s a gift of God. I don’t think it’s wrong to desire marriage, but we must always submit every desire to God. Discontent is always wrong. Now, I’m still trying to learn the boundary between desire that is fine and good (like eating… God has given most of us a desire for food so that we will eat) and ungodly discontent. I do know that if we’re handling our desires rightly, we’ll take them to God in prayer. We’ll be willing to take whatever answer He gives: yes, no, or wait (and for most of us right now, it’s “wait!”). But if we’re discontent, we’ll complain to God that we’re not married. We’ll try to figure out how we can get married sooner, or dream of the time that we’ll actually be married. We won’t be joyfully submitting to God’s timetable, knowing that He will fulfill our every need in His perfect plan.

And it’s not only Christian romance novels that can encourage us to be discontent. We can make ourselves discontent all on our own by dwelling on desires and thinking that God won’t give us what we need. If we don’t take our desires to Him, we become discontent. And that same discontent leads to the idolatry that makes marriage and romance more important than God and His commands.

I’ve also found that Christian romance novels don’t usually encourage us to uphold high standards, especially in the area of physical contact. The Lord has showed me and my parents both that He wants me to keep a high standard in this area. But I found that the books I used to read made me desire physical contact. It’s still hard for me sometimes not to desire physical contact. For all of us, a desire for physical contact is part of being human, and we don’t need help to want it more!

The last problem area—and perhaps the most dangerous—is that it causes us to have unrealistic expectations for marriage. These books tend to teach the idea that we will find a guy that is perfectly handsome, always sweet and kind, always understanding, and having no real faults. They teach that marriage is always this perfectly wonderful, rosy thing that is easy and just makes everyone happy. No man is really that perfect, and no marriage is really that easy. If we build unrealistic expectations for our future husbands, we may not even recognize the right man (who should definitely be wonderful, but he’ll still be a sinner!) when God puts him in our path. And after marriage, we may be discouraged that it didn’t turn out to be “happily ever after.”

So be very careful about Christian romance novels. Consider whether you should read romantic stories at all, and if you do read them, be discerning. Make sure that you are content in the state that God has given you, that you are upholding the right standards in your life, and that you don’t accept the unrealistic picture of marriage that Christian romance novels often portray.

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