Pure in Body and Mind
Written by Jennifer P.

 

Before writing this article, I decided to do a Google search for “purity before marriage.” It was interesting how many things popped up. Most of the articles on purity were all discussing the topic of physical purity and not having a physical relationship with a member of the opposite gender before marriage. I found out what some religions think about it and even how some groups are starting counter-culture groups that promote abstinence before marriage. In fact, the Catholic Church in their book of Catechisms addresses this topic in favor of purity. (“Those who are engaged to marry are called to live chastity in continence. They should see in this time of testing a discovery of mutual respect, an apprenticeship in fidelity, and the hope of receiving one another from God. They should reserve for marriage the expression of affection that belongs to married love. They will help each other grow in chastity.”) There are several articles on keeping pure before marriage and there is even a group called the Sliver Ring Thing that promotes wearing an engraved ring as a sign of the choice not to have the physical relationship before marriage. I even researched the definition of purity and related topics such as virginity. Why is it so important to address this topic?

In our culture of today, we are surrounded by immorality and the push to have physical relationships before marriage. The media constantly bombards our eyes and minds with innuendoes, direct reference, and blatant scenes of immorality. The advertisements and magazines in the grocery store display immodestly clad (or unclad) men and women and are full of articles on “How to have a better ___ life” or gossip about which immoral celebrity is sleeping with or cheating on which other immoral celebrity. The teenagers of today are using these people as their role models. In public schools, the young people are taught classes on the topic and given things that are supposed to allow them to partake without the consequences. Clothing is made to attract the eyes of the male population. It is a topic that is gingerly touched on in Christian circles or not addressed at all. Yet God makes it very clear in His word that moral purity before marriage is most precious in His eyes. There is a continual reference throughout Scripture to things being pure.

1 Timothy 4:12 "Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity."

2 Timothy 2:22 "Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart."

Titus 1:15 "Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled."

In Deuteronomy, during the instructions for building the temple, the materials that they were to used were described as pure (ex. pure gold, pure oil, etc) and the sacrifices themselves had to be pure and unblemished. To be pure is to be unmixed with any other matter, free from dust, dirt, or taint, being thus and no other, containing nothing that does not properly belong, free from moral fault or guilt (Webster’s Dictionary). I will touch briefly on the side of the need for physical purity, but I want most to emphasize the mental purity.

First, physical purity. In our church, the topic of physical purity is touched on periodically. It is something that all of us know in the back of our minds is right. We know that in the Old Testament, a girl that was discovered to have lost her virginity before marriage was considered in sin and the order was for her to be stoned. We have been taught since we were little girls that God has one man for us to marry and we are to keep ourselves for him. Physically that translates into no physical or intimate relationship with any man before marriage. In our minds, that means any physical intimacy. Yet I was surprised in my online reading to see people discussing which kinds of physical intimacy would be morally wrong! I do not need to elaborate on the types of touching or actions, but Christ said that for a man to even look on a woman to lust after her in his heart was already in sin. There should not even be a question in our minds. The guards we have been taught to place on ourselves before marriage are not only to protect us from going all the way, but from even stepping on the threshold of the dangerous path. We have also heard many times that once that threshold is crossed, it is hard to keep it from going any further. We know that kissing before marriage is wrong. That is something to be reserved for the one man we marry, and that first kiss on the wedding day is the sweetest kiss of all. I greatly look forward to mine! But how many people are willing to admit that what we do with our hands (i.e. holding hands, petting, etc.) or words can arouse the passions that lead to kissing and more intimate forms of contact? Each little thing leads to another. Those who partake of that before marriage are defrauding themselves and their future spouse from the pure, spotless relationship that a marriage is blessed by God.

1Co 6:19 "What, know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?"

Our bodies are the temple of God, and He desires us to be holy and without spot. Likewise, as Christ is the head of the church, our husband is to be our head. As Christ desires a pure temple, so our husband deserves a pure body and spirit. This brings me to the second topic, that of mental purity.

Paul writes in Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

If a man can commit adultery by just looking on a woman and not actually touching her, we too can be defiled by what proceeds out of our heart and mind. It is so easy to fall in this area without meaning to, and we are most prone to fall in this area. It is not physically damaging (we like to think), so we are not looked down upon if we are immoral in our thoughts. No one knows, right? Wrong. God can read the deepest thoughts and intentions of the heart. If our minds are not pure, then our entire being is not pure. Even though we may not physically act upon what they say, reading those magazines in the grocery store would be wrong. Even though we may not be physically partaking of the immorality on the television, by sitting there and watching it, we are partaking of it in our minds. Once it is there, it is hard to get rid of. What place has a “steamy love novel” in a Christian woman’s life? What we have fed our minds with will affect how we expect our relationship with our future husband to be. If it is not like we saw on television or read in a book, we will be dissatisfied with what God has given us. Just as we need to set up safe guards to protect us from partaking in physical immorality, we also need to set up safe guards against letting our minds slip into immorality. Try delighting yourself in God’s word or reading a biography of a great spiritual warrior rather than a love novel. Instead of watching the degrading stuff on television, spend some time ministering to your younger siblings by playing a game with them. My Grandmother has recently moved in to live with my family and she has a large screen TV that she turns on and watches what ever she pleases. The few channels we had locally was not enough, so she ordered satellite so she could get the channels she had back home. Being in the same house and having to use the rooms with her, I quickly learned the disparity of being able to find wholesome things to watch. Over three hundred channels, and rarely is there one that has anything I would not be embarrassed to watch! And in the rare event I do find something that is OK, the commercials that come in between sections of the show are designed to attract my eye and fill my mind with the immoral lifestyles of our culture. If you watch TV, don’t think that it doesn’t affect you—it does. If you allow yourself to be immersed in these kinds of things, it will become the way you think. It will be natural and easier to fall into physical sin because you have already desensitized yourself to the wrong of thinking that way. I cannot turn the TV off on my grandmother, but I can leave the room and find other things to do. We may know it is wrong, but the draw of sin is strong and as women, we desire to have our naturally-given desire for love to be fed. It is so easy to just sit and watch the show or bury ourselves in a love novel (even a “Christian” love novel). We are setting ourselves up for trouble if we keep going on this route!

Prov. 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

As some final thoughts on purity before marriage, consider the consequences of letting your guard down and giving up that purity whether it be of mind or body. The giving of our affections to a young man is like giving him the key to control our heart. Once the heart is in control, it is not much further to the door of ruin. If we give in to moral temptation before marriage, there is a stronger possibility of giving into it after marriage. Once the threshold has been crossed, much pain and guilt will result. As a soon-to-be married bride, my desire is to my future husband, but I must endeavor even more strongly now to keep from slipping before our wedding. I described it to a friend in the form of being like precious ointment sealed in an alabaster box. The oil is sweet and fragrant, but it is reserved for the time it is opened. Once it is opened, there is no closing the box back up again. It has to be broken for the oil to be attainable. This alabaster box is my heart. The stone is translucent and the light shines through it giving a glimpse of the beauty within. I have given it to my fiancé but he may not open it until our wedding day. It is fragile, and if not handled carefully it could be cracked. If it cracks, the oil will seep out or impurities will make their way in and the oil will be tainted and undesirable. My parents and I have kept it until now, but now he must help keep it and guard it carefully until the day it is right for him to take it completely as his own and enjoy the sweetness within. I look forward to presenting myself to my husband a pure and clean heart and body that are his and only his from the day we say our vows together at the altar. I don’t want to give myself or my fiancé room to slip. I found an interesting pledge in my study on purity before marriage. I am including it below because I thought it has some good points. The website also had lines for you to sign your name and date it as well as places for the signatures of those whom you have asked to be witnesses of your pledge. I liked that because my parents are my greatest gauge when I am trying to figure out what it right and wrong in my relationship. In and of myself, I am not capable of holding the standard. I have asked my parents and my fiancé to help keep our guard. I hope you may see your purity as a great treasure worth preserving until the day God presents you with the husband he has chosen for you.

Pledge of Purity

I promise to myself, my future husband/wife,
my future children, and to my Creator
that

I will not engage in sexual activity of any kind before marriage
but will keep my thoughts and my body pure
as a very special gift for the one I marry.

I recognize and cherish the great blessings
I will gain from keeping this promise.
I invite the help of my parents, my family and my friends.
I ask you, Father in Heaven, to strengthen me with
your faith, wisdom and love to help me keep this promise.

 

 

 

 

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