Secure Love
Written by Sarah Ann E.
Excerpt taken from the book "Lady in Waiting"
Used with permission

In this article we are going to be looking at the example of Ruth in the Bible. Can you just imagine the lonely, insecure feeling that she would have felt after her husband died. Yet, she did not seek to fill that seeming "hole" in her life. She sought to go with Naomi and serve Jehovah. If she really wanted to find a husband, she would have returned to her home land to find one. She would have had a greater chance of finding a husband there.

"Why do women rend to 'go after the guys?' Why do women experience difficulty being still and waiting for the man to initiate and develop the relationship? You find the answer in one word: insecurity. An insecure woman has her world centered on something (marriage) or someone (Mr. Right) that can be lost or taken away." If the Lord has us to marry, he will never be lost and we will not have to find him. The Lord will bring HIM to US, and not us to him. "Insecurity keeps a woman from experiencing constant joy even within a relationship because a man cannot provide security, only God can."

"Insecurity causes you to cling to a relationship. You feel a lack of confidence unless you have a man." Is this a right feeling? Not according to Scripture. We need to feel perfectly secure in our Lord's love alone. The main reason why we feel insecure is because we have unknowingly believed in a lie. This lie is, " 'I must get the best for myself because God may not give it to me.' What do you think would have been the outcome of Ruth's life if she had chosen to believe this lie? Would she have returned home with Orpah and married one of the local guys? Would she have followed Naomi to a new land? With these poor choices, her life of blessing and joy found in Boaz would not have happened and we would have missed the blessings of a book such as Ruth."

The Lord has made each of us as young ladies with a longing to feel secure with the love of another. We think that our secure feeling will only be meet when we find the right mate and get married. Yet, really this matter of security is a matter of choosing God's way for our life or our way. "Ruth could not have possibly seen that a man like Boaz would one day be her prince. Neither can you with your limited perspective see who or where your prince will be." We must be secure in our Lord's love now. Then when we are resting in Him, He will lead us in His perfect timing to our prince. Let the Lord control all the plans of your life. You do not want to look back ten years down the road and regret that you didn't find security in the Lord's love and now your life is in a mess. "No man, not even a husband, can fill the need you have for secure love. Only Jesus who "is the same yesterday, today, and forever," (Hebrews 13:8) will never disappoint or fail you."

One way that we are to rest in the Lord for security is to let the Lord lead you to the right mate. It is not our job to search every guy to see it he is the right one for us. "Elizabeth Elliot says she is often asked the question, 'What can I do to get him to notice me?' She replied, 'My answer is NOTHING. That is, nothing toward the man. Don't call him. Don't write him a little note with a smiley face or a flower or fish under the signature and put it in his campus mailbox. Don't slide up to him in the hall and gasp, "I've just got to talk to you!" Don't look woebegone, don't ignore him, don't pursue him, don't do him favors, don't talk about him to nine carefully selected listeners. There is one thing that you can do: turn the whole business over to God. God has His own methods of getting the two of you together. He doesn't need help or advice from you." When I read that, I was personally rebuked. I know that each of us have at least done one of the things that Mrs. Elliot mentioned. Our Lord will bring us together. Our job as ladies is to wait. The man and the Lord do all the work. There is one thing that we can do, and that is pray. We will talk about that in our next issue.

My mother and I were talking recently about one of my friends. This friend was being "hunted after" by another of my friends, at least it looked like it!!! I told my mother that I didn't know why she seemed not to like him. Mom then replied that "we need to make the man run for his moneys worth." I just about died laughing, but later I got to thinking about it. It is true. It is their job to win you over. But we also have to have the Lord 's and our parent's approval through it all. Sit back and let him win you!!! If the guy is a true Christian, he should turn down a young lady who pursues him. When you do the pursuing, you show that you want to lead in the relationship. And HOW are we instructed in Scripture? To be SUBMISSIVE. Be submissive. If he is one that doesn't want to lead, then he is not following Scripture, and therefore he is not right for you.


There are two things that you must do in order to be a secure person. First, you must keep from manipulating and maneuvering. Do not go to a man to make you feel secure. Trust the Lord to control every detail of your life. " You can only see the outward man from today's perspective. God sees men's hearts from the perspective of eternity. With His perspective, He can see much better what you need. Trust Him and let Him show you His dependable love for you." After you give the Lord your desire to "hunt" for Mr. Right, then most importantly "you must put your security in Christ. He longs for you to be secure in His love. He wants to protect, lead and love you. To develop security, give your heart and emotions to the Lord."

Now, we must seek God as our true Lover. Spend MUCH time with Him in both His word and prayer. Do not let others turn your gaze away from Him.

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COPYRIGHT PERMISSION
Destiny Image Publishers, Inc., hereby grants Sarah Ann permission to use quotations not to exceed 500 words from "Lady In Waiting", by Jackie Kendall in her newsletter "Ladies in Waiting".

Materials from "Lady In Waiting", by Jackie Kendall, copyright 1995 used by permission of Destiny Image Publishers, 167 Walnut Bottom Road, Shippensburg, PA 17257 www.destinyimage.com
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